Memory #3

I am now 5 years old. I don't remember how my mom and dad became separated, but I was living with my mother in Texas and my father was in Pennsylvania. Later on in life I found out that my mother ran off with me to hurt my father. My mother always told me that my father found a new daughter and wanted her not me. I remember asking my mother why can't I see daddy and she would reply, "Your daddy doesn't love you anymore, he found a woman that has a daughter your age and he wants them and not us!" At the time I couldn't understand why because he always told me he would never leave me. Children at this age believe whatever is being told to them. I believed her and was devastated! I would later find out in life that everything my mother told me was a lie.

Here is a memory that I keep playing over and over in my head..................It was around the Christmas Holiday. My dad was still in PA and we were in Texas. My mother had to go to PA and I did not know why until she came back. My sister's and I were at my Aunts house celebrating the Christmas Holiday. We were eating a big dinner, opening gifts, and visiting with everyone. My Granny (which I love as a mother), my aunt and uncle, and my cousins were all there. All of the fun came to a stop as soon as my mom arrived. My uncle opened the door and my mom was standing there crying. I ran up to her and asked her where is daddy? She told me he is gone, I was like what do you mean gone? My granny grabbed me and told me he is in heaven. I understood what that meant. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. It seemed like I cried for hours, days, and still do cry because I miss him. I remember asking God, "Why did you have to take him away from me, why not someone else instead of him?" I went through so many emotions at this time, I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't speak to my mother for awhile because I was mad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. She went to PA to go to the funeral. He is my father and she had no right to keep me away from him especially at a time when I needed him the most. I still think to this day that she was jealous of how much he wanted me and not her therefore keeping me away from the funeral was her final way of getting back at him. My father passed away on December 13, 1986.

A short memory before my father died.............I was four. We were at home sleeping and my mother and sisters were gone at school and work. We were living in Texas and it was tornado season. My dad and I were sleeping peacefully together in the bed. My mother comes in yelling, "I have been trying to get a hold of you all day, you had me worried!" We were both confused about what in the world she was talking about. Come to find out a Tornado struck on our street while we were sleeping. The tornado had hit houses around us, but left ours untouched. Amazing, but now I wonder why God getting take us both then? If he was going to take my father later on he could have taken me with him at that time. I would have been way better off!

When my father died my life went down hill. My mother made my life a living hell. A little insight of how she was......before my father died we moved back to Texas. My granny used her retirement savings to get us an apartment. My granny didn't have much, but she gave everything she had to help us. My mother never repaid her and she struggled at times. My mom started seeing this guy named Steve. I remember yelling at my mother telling her I am going to tell daddy on you. She would tell me if you do then you will never see him again. My granny told me that when my father died everyone was trying to get a hold of my mother, but had no success. So my granny drove over to the apartment to find my mother in bed with Steve. My mother was still married and my granny (her mother) was very disappointed in her. Steve was a horrible man, I will get into that in my next post.

Till next time...........