I will admit that when I was living at my aunt's house my grades were good in 9Th grade. Once I moved in with April I started not caring about my grades. For the first part of 9Th grade I got A's and B's, but second part I got F's and even a zero.
I met April at North Mesquite High School. April was new to the area and was a bad girl! We started hanging out and I would tell her my situation. Like I mentioned in the last post her mother allowed me to move in. I lived with April for several months. April and I shared a bed and did almost everything together. I started being bad at school. I would tell the teachers off, not do my homework, skip detention, and swear at the guidance counselor. April had a cousin named Perry. Perry was older than me and was also a bad boy. I was attracted to the bad boy thing. Little did I know he was a really bad guy that would end up mistreating me. Anyways, Perry and I started dating. I eventually moved in with him, but that will be my next post.
While living with April my mother and her boyfriend started coming around. I don't understand why I allowed her in my life anymore when she wanted nothing to do with me. I guess being so young, I didn't understand that people don't change unless they want to. Plus I didn't have the father figure around and I wanted someone to show me some kind of love. Unfortunately it was the wrong kind of love she gave me.
One time I was at Aprils house when a knock was at the front door. April's mom told me it was my mother. I went outside to find her and Ray standing there. She immediately said I need $20. From my father being dead I received social security that I made my mother sign over and get it into my sisters name so I know I would get it every month. My mother knew I had some money. Plus I started working at Subway when I was 14, illegally. My mother was actually working there and she lied for me so I could work. My mother eventually got fired. I told her that I was not giving her $20 because I knew it was going for drugs. My mother started getting up in my face screaming all kinds of things. We were literally pushing and hitting one another. April and her mother came outside to break us up. I told them they better get this bitch out of here before I punch her in the face. I know this is not the right thing to say but at the time I hated her for the way she was treating me and I seriously wanted to hurt her. We didn't talk for awhile.
Finally my mother and I started talking again. I decided to hang out with her. She was living in a hotel across the highway from where April lived. I went to the hotel to hang out. When I got there everything was okay for a little while. Ray eventually took out the crack and the crack pipe. My mother and him started smoking it right in front of me. I was young and stupid so I started asking questions about what it does, how do you do it, and how much do you do? In the hotel room there were two beds. Ray and I were sitting on one bed by the middle night table (between both beds) and my mother was sitting on the other bed facing us. Ray asked me if I wanted to try it. I said yes! Ray told my mother that he would blow it in my mouth instead of me actually smoking it from the pipe. Ray took a big hit and blew the smoke in my mouth. He told me how long to hold it and then when to release it. I was hooked from the first inhale. I ended up smoking with them for a whole week. I did not eat anything and hardly drank anything this whole week. We would go to perfume stores where he would steal a bottle and then return it at a new location for money. We would get more crack and go back to the hotel. My mom was working as a waitress so she was bringing in tip money. My mom was always worried Ray smoked more than her or he was hiding some from her. They would constantly fight over the drug.
One day we got some more and headed back to the hotel room. When we arrived my mother looked at the bag and started accusing him of hiding some or dropping some. She started flipping out. He told her we are going to the room, you can stay down here and look for it. When we got back to the room he shut and locked the door. I said my mom is still down there he said she will knock. He started coming closer to me and touching me. He said something like you want me don't you. I said maybe we should check on my mom. He opened the curtain and said she is still looking see for yourself. I looked and of course she was still looking. He pushed me on the bed and started kissing all over me and also started taking off my clothes. Right then and there a knock was on the door. I remember thinking "Thank God!" When he opened the door it was my boyfriend. I got off the bed and ran out the door. I ran across the highway to my apartment and the whole time I could hear my boyfriend say what was going on there? He said I had a scared look on my face. He had come looking for me because I had disappeared for a week. When I got back to the apartment I started crying my eyes out and told them what had happened. April said I needed to call my mom and tell her. I called the hotel room and of course Ray answered. He put my mother on the phone. I told her and the only thing she said to me was that I was lying because I have never liked Ray and that she couldn't believe I would make something up like this just to break her and Ray up. How could my own mother not believe me? We got into a screaming match and I hung up on her. My boyfriend went to the hotel to beat him up but they wouldn't answer the door.
The next day I became very sick! I was in bed for days throwing up and a high fever. I had not eaten for a whole week and had very little water, plus body was adjusting to not having the drug. I never touched the drug again and never will. Now being older I only did the drug to try to get my mother to love me more. I felt that if I was on her level she would love me the way she loved Ray so much.
Shortly after, I moved in with Perry and his mother, stepfather, and sister.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Aunt's House
I never really got along with my aunt, but I just wanted to be back in Texas. The reason I never got along with my aunt is because she was always jealous of mine and granny's (her mother) relationship. Granny and I got along very well and she couldn't stand that one bit. I always viewed Granny as my mother. Being at my aunts house was the only option at the time. I wanted to be in a familiar place, plus I did kind of hope I would run into my mother so I could ask her why she left me?
Once I moved in with my aunt and uncle Dennis I started to realize I was going to hate it there. My aunt was constantly in my business that I had no space what so ever. Every time a friend would call me my aunt would pick up the phone and listen. I was never allowed to be on the phone unless she had the other phone. This was a rule! It also seemed like every time I came home she was in my room looking around or I could tell she looked around through my things. Absolutely no privacy at all!! What made me mad is that I was the only one she treated this way.
My mother found out that I was living back in Texas from my aunt. I spoke to my mother a couple of time on the phone. Of course, she always avoided my questions. Every time my mother called it was about what she had been up to and not about how I was doing. I would get upset with her so I would not talk to her that long. I met this girl named April at school and she told me her mother would allow me to move in with them. I told my aunt and uncle that I was moving out and she said "Over my dead body!" I told her you can't stop me and she said watch me. I told my aunt that she is not my mother and does not have custody therefore she has no right to make me stay. Of course, she called my mother over. Surprisingly, my mother and Ray showed up. My mother tried to convince me to stay but I told her if she didn't watch it I would report her for abandonment. My mother backed off! As I was walking out my aunt tried to grab my hair but missed. I turned around and told her if she touched me I would punch her in the face.
I left and moved in with April. The drama does not stop there............................
Once I moved in with my aunt and uncle Dennis I started to realize I was going to hate it there. My aunt was constantly in my business that I had no space what so ever. Every time a friend would call me my aunt would pick up the phone and listen. I was never allowed to be on the phone unless she had the other phone. This was a rule! It also seemed like every time I came home she was in my room looking around or I could tell she looked around through my things. Absolutely no privacy at all!! What made me mad is that I was the only one she treated this way.
My mother found out that I was living back in Texas from my aunt. I spoke to my mother a couple of time on the phone. Of course, she always avoided my questions. Every time my mother called it was about what she had been up to and not about how I was doing. I would get upset with her so I would not talk to her that long. I met this girl named April at school and she told me her mother would allow me to move in with them. I told my aunt and uncle that I was moving out and she said "Over my dead body!" I told her you can't stop me and she said watch me. I told my aunt that she is not my mother and does not have custody therefore she has no right to make me stay. Of course, she called my mother over. Surprisingly, my mother and Ray showed up. My mother tried to convince me to stay but I told her if she didn't watch it I would report her for abandonment. My mother backed off! As I was walking out my aunt tried to grab my hair but missed. I turned around and told her if she touched me I would punch her in the face.
I left and moved in with April. The drama does not stop there............................
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Back to Texas
Here is how I got back to Texas.....
When I got back to the house and Carl told me that my mother was gone I ran to my room to cry for hours. After I finally calmed down Carl and I talked about what we should do. I decided that since my Mommom (fathers grandma) lived in Philadelphia I would call her to tell her what happened. When I called me mommom she was furious and her and my poppop drove immediately to come get me. My mommom hated my mother with a passion. Ever since my father died my mommom blamed her for his death and wanted nothing to do with her. My mother tried to win her back by sending her flowers for mothers day and other occassions but my mommom would laugh and throw them away.
Once I got to my mommom's house I felt empty and alone although I had them two. I had never lived in PA when I was bigger or even really anywhere out of Texas. I wanted to go back to Texas to be with friends that I knew. So my mommom called my Aunt Carol and asked her. Mommom flew me to Texas.
My Aunt's house was miserable.....didn't stay too long!
When I got back to the house and Carl told me that my mother was gone I ran to my room to cry for hours. After I finally calmed down Carl and I talked about what we should do. I decided that since my Mommom (fathers grandma) lived in Philadelphia I would call her to tell her what happened. When I called me mommom she was furious and her and my poppop drove immediately to come get me. My mommom hated my mother with a passion. Ever since my father died my mommom blamed her for his death and wanted nothing to do with her. My mother tried to win her back by sending her flowers for mothers day and other occassions but my mommom would laugh and throw them away.
Once I got to my mommom's house I felt empty and alone although I had them two. I had never lived in PA when I was bigger or even really anywhere out of Texas. I wanted to go back to Texas to be with friends that I knew. So my mommom called my Aunt Carol and asked her. Mommom flew me to Texas.
My Aunt's house was miserable.....didn't stay too long!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Abandoned
My mom and I lived in Hazelton, PA. Where we lived were streets on lots of big hills. My school was a good distance from my house and so were my friends houses. We had been living for Carl for three months.
I decided to go to my friends house after school. Of course it was a good walk! When I got there my friends mother says that I need to call home, Carl called crying and very upset. I called my house and Carl answered. Carl told me that my mother was leaving and going back to Texas. Of course I started freaking out. He then told me she bought a bus ticket and is about to leave now. From where I was it would had taken me 45 minutes to walk and about 15 minute car drive. I asked for him to put my mother on the phone. When she got on the phone she said, "Randi, I miss Ray and can't live without him. I am going back to Texas now and there is nothing you can do to stop me. I hope you have a nice life." She hung up before I could say anything. My friends mother drove me home, but when I got there Carl said she was gone.
At this point, I did not know what to do. I had mixed feelings and emotions running through me. I was wondering if this was a nightmare. How could my own mother leave me all alone with my step dad who I was not even close and in a city I had no other family. Carl told me I was welcome to stay with him but I chose not too since we were not close. I called me mommom (dad's mother) who lived in Philadelphia to come get me.
Next time I will tell you how I got back to Texas........
I decided to go to my friends house after school. Of course it was a good walk! When I got there my friends mother says that I need to call home, Carl called crying and very upset. I called my house and Carl answered. Carl told me that my mother was leaving and going back to Texas. Of course I started freaking out. He then told me she bought a bus ticket and is about to leave now. From where I was it would had taken me 45 minutes to walk and about 15 minute car drive. I asked for him to put my mother on the phone. When she got on the phone she said, "Randi, I miss Ray and can't live without him. I am going back to Texas now and there is nothing you can do to stop me. I hope you have a nice life." She hung up before I could say anything. My friends mother drove me home, but when I got there Carl said she was gone.
At this point, I did not know what to do. I had mixed feelings and emotions running through me. I was wondering if this was a nightmare. How could my own mother leave me all alone with my step dad who I was not even close and in a city I had no other family. Carl told me I was welcome to stay with him but I chose not too since we were not close. I called me mommom (dad's mother) who lived in Philadelphia to come get me.
Next time I will tell you how I got back to Texas........
Drug Addict Ray
As mentioned before my mother met a guy named Ray one night and brought him to the house to sleep with. Little did we know it would last 8 years. My mother told us she met him at some bar. Everything was good at first, but after several months things went downhill.
Ray had a daughter named Megan which both of them came to live with us. Ray was very abusive and addicted to crack. Ray would beat up on my mother so much that she ended up losing her job at Texas Instruments. My mother would miss work because of the black eye and finally her work had enough. We had to move from our house to a okay house in Garland. I hated going to Garland Middle School because I was basically the only white girl there. This school was made up of more Hispanics or Mexicans. I would have to eat my lunch in the bathroom because girls were mean. I started refusing to go to school. My mother never noticed because by this time her and Ray would never come out of their bedroom.
One day I heard my mother and Ray arguing. Ray stormed out of the house and my mother went falling. My mother ran back into the bedroom. I went to find out if she was okay and saw blood all over the bed. Ray and her had been shooting up (Heroin) and kept missing the veins.
Another time my mother and I went grocery shopping. Evidentially we spent too long at the grocery store so when we got back Ray was on one of his rampages. He threw the groceries everywhere, drug my mother by her hair into the kitchen and started beating on her. He was sitting on top of her punching her left and right, so I grabbed anything I could find and hit him in the head. He got mad and threw me across the room. Moms and Ray's fights always ended up with her being black and blue. They would make up like 15 minutes after it. I started to hate my mother for this. Ray would act like nothing ever happened. I would constantly try to convince my mother to leave him, but it took her 4 years.
One day she finally had enough and we got a Uhaul truck, packed up all our stuff, and went to Pennsylvania to live with Carl. Yes, Carl and my mother never got divorced. When we got to PA my mother started drinking heavy. One time she got out of control asking me if I thought I could take her (meaning fight her). At this point I was thirteen. We had ordered pizza and were waiting on the pizza man when she started pushing me saying, "Come on lets see what you got!" I kept telling Carl he needed to get her under control before I hit her. Finally I got sick of her crap and wrestled her to the floor and sat on her with her arms under my legs. I refused to get up until she calmed down. The poor pizza man didn't know what to think. She calmed down after what seemed like an eternity, which was only 20 minutes. I went to my room and wanted nothing to do with her.
If you noticed I said Ray and my mom were together 8 years and it took her 4 years to leave. As you can see, she goes back to him.
Ray had a daughter named Megan which both of them came to live with us. Ray was very abusive and addicted to crack. Ray would beat up on my mother so much that she ended up losing her job at Texas Instruments. My mother would miss work because of the black eye and finally her work had enough. We had to move from our house to a okay house in Garland. I hated going to Garland Middle School because I was basically the only white girl there. This school was made up of more Hispanics or Mexicans. I would have to eat my lunch in the bathroom because girls were mean. I started refusing to go to school. My mother never noticed because by this time her and Ray would never come out of their bedroom.
One day I heard my mother and Ray arguing. Ray stormed out of the house and my mother went falling. My mother ran back into the bedroom. I went to find out if she was okay and saw blood all over the bed. Ray and her had been shooting up (Heroin) and kept missing the veins.
Another time my mother and I went grocery shopping. Evidentially we spent too long at the grocery store so when we got back Ray was on one of his rampages. He threw the groceries everywhere, drug my mother by her hair into the kitchen and started beating on her. He was sitting on top of her punching her left and right, so I grabbed anything I could find and hit him in the head. He got mad and threw me across the room. Moms and Ray's fights always ended up with her being black and blue. They would make up like 15 minutes after it. I started to hate my mother for this. Ray would act like nothing ever happened. I would constantly try to convince my mother to leave him, but it took her 4 years.
One day she finally had enough and we got a Uhaul truck, packed up all our stuff, and went to Pennsylvania to live with Carl. Yes, Carl and my mother never got divorced. When we got to PA my mother started drinking heavy. One time she got out of control asking me if I thought I could take her (meaning fight her). At this point I was thirteen. We had ordered pizza and were waiting on the pizza man when she started pushing me saying, "Come on lets see what you got!" I kept telling Carl he needed to get her under control before I hit her. Finally I got sick of her crap and wrestled her to the floor and sat on her with her arms under my legs. I refused to get up until she calmed down. The poor pizza man didn't know what to think. She calmed down after what seemed like an eternity, which was only 20 minutes. I went to my room and wanted nothing to do with her.
If you noticed I said Ray and my mom were together 8 years and it took her 4 years to leave. As you can see, she goes back to him.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Stepfather Carl
My mom worked in the accounting department of Texas Instruments. She ended up meeting a guy named Carl that worked there too. I can't remember what Carl did there but I think something with IT. Carl and her supposedly feel in love. Once he moved in things went downhill.
My mother and Carl got married. Both of them liked drinking and going to bars. Their favorite thing to do was get drunk and bowl on leagues. My sisters would be stuck taking care of me. I was around ten at the time. My sisters hating taking care of me and never had time for me. I remember one time one of my sisters fixed pizza rolls, i asked for one since I didn't know how to cook and she threw one at me. She ended up hitting me in the eye and got pizza roll sauce in my eye. They never liked fixing me food so I mostly hate pieces of bread when my mom and Carl didn't come home. I don't blame my sisters for being irritated for taking care of me because my mother should have never put the responsibility on them.
Carl and mom would get drunk and beat on each other all the time. I remember all of my sisters and I were in bed one night when Carl and mom came in. Of course, they were drunk and were fighting. I get up out of bed and Carl is on top of my mother choking her on the couch. We start screaming and my mom goes crazy once he is off. My mom would get drunk and try to cut her thighs off saying she was too fat. She would beat her thighs black and blue.
Another night the whole family went to a place called Medieval Inn. One of Carl's friends came with us names Ron. We were all playing darts and my mom and Carl were drinking. By the time my mother got out of there she was completed wasted. There was a Burger King in the parking lot. She went over to the sign of the plastic labels that advertise what specials they were having, and ripped all of them off. Ron grabbed her and put her in the van. My sisters and I were in the back of the van when this happened. My mom then tries to start taking off Ron's clothes saying she wanted him to **** him in the van. Yes, she was saying this in front of her children. Ron and Carl actually had to tie her to the down with straps to the van seat. She was going ballistic!!!
Another time Carl was driving us home from dinner. My mom was drunk again and her and one of my sisters started fighting. Yes, while the van was on the highway. They were fist fighting pulling each others hair. My mom called me sister a whore and other words were said. Carl said if they didn't stop he was pulling over. He pulled over to break them up. Once he started moving again it all started again. My sister and mom threw each others purses out the window on the highway. Just another normal day in the household!!
Carl needed to go visit his mother in PA for a week. When Carl went my mother decided she did not want to be with him any more. She called him up and told him not to come home. Well not shortly after that my older sister and I woke up to moaning and groaning coming from my mothers bedroom. We go to the living room and a man named Ray comes out of the room in shorts. We both looked at each other like What the Heck!!!
Ray was the worst one...............................
My mother and Carl got married. Both of them liked drinking and going to bars. Their favorite thing to do was get drunk and bowl on leagues. My sisters would be stuck taking care of me. I was around ten at the time. My sisters hating taking care of me and never had time for me. I remember one time one of my sisters fixed pizza rolls, i asked for one since I didn't know how to cook and she threw one at me. She ended up hitting me in the eye and got pizza roll sauce in my eye. They never liked fixing me food so I mostly hate pieces of bread when my mom and Carl didn't come home. I don't blame my sisters for being irritated for taking care of me because my mother should have never put the responsibility on them.
Carl and mom would get drunk and beat on each other all the time. I remember all of my sisters and I were in bed one night when Carl and mom came in. Of course, they were drunk and were fighting. I get up out of bed and Carl is on top of my mother choking her on the couch. We start screaming and my mom goes crazy once he is off. My mom would get drunk and try to cut her thighs off saying she was too fat. She would beat her thighs black and blue.
Another night the whole family went to a place called Medieval Inn. One of Carl's friends came with us names Ron. We were all playing darts and my mom and Carl were drinking. By the time my mother got out of there she was completed wasted. There was a Burger King in the parking lot. She went over to the sign of the plastic labels that advertise what specials they were having, and ripped all of them off. Ron grabbed her and put her in the van. My sisters and I were in the back of the van when this happened. My mom then tries to start taking off Ron's clothes saying she wanted him to **** him in the van. Yes, she was saying this in front of her children. Ron and Carl actually had to tie her to the down with straps to the van seat. She was going ballistic!!!
Another time Carl was driving us home from dinner. My mom was drunk again and her and one of my sisters started fighting. Yes, while the van was on the highway. They were fist fighting pulling each others hair. My mom called me sister a whore and other words were said. Carl said if they didn't stop he was pulling over. He pulled over to break them up. Once he started moving again it all started again. My sister and mom threw each others purses out the window on the highway. Just another normal day in the household!!
Carl needed to go visit his mother in PA for a week. When Carl went my mother decided she did not want to be with him any more. She called him up and told him not to come home. Well not shortly after that my older sister and I woke up to moaning and groaning coming from my mothers bedroom. We go to the living room and a man named Ray comes out of the room in shorts. We both looked at each other like What the Heck!!!
Ray was the worst one...............................
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Memory #4
Lets begin where I left off............Steve! Steve was into smoking weed a lot. When my father died my mother attached herself to Steve. They bought us a puppy poodle and we named her Mimi. Steve was abusive even to the dog. Our dog hated him that every time he tried to be nice and pick her up she would pee on him. HA HA! Since he would kick her across the room and throw her into walls she was terrified of every man. So she peed on every man that touched her.
Steve liked to beat on my mom all the time. I am not sure what would set him off....I just know when he did get set off she paid for it dearly. One time they were arguing, they were in the kitchen, Steve broke some glasses on the ground, grabbed her, pushed her down, and rubbed her face in it. I was crying and my sister's were yelling at him to stop. My mom was able to get away and run to back room. One of my sister's said something that set him off. She was sitting in a recliner chair. He hit the back of it so hard it completely turned upside down with her still in it. I remember during the screaming that Steve was telling my mom that I wanted them to get married. He even put me on the spot. I froze and couldn't say anything out of fear of what was going on. I was still five at this point. The argument and all of us made the way to their bedroom. My other sister was jumping on their bed screaming to stop it asshole. Well he slapped her and my mother attacked him for touching her daughter. Steve then picked up the vacuum cleaner and hit her with it knocking her on the ground. We were all crying and screaming to please stop. Blood was everywhere it seemed like. My third and oldest sister grabbed me and took me in a bedroom and locked the door. She was telling me to cover my ears everything was going to be OK. If I remember correctly the cops were on their way which is what made him stop and leave.
My mom and Steve would always fight and make up. We never understood how she could take someone back after beating her black and blue. I think she did it out of fear he would kill her if she left and not wanting to be alone. My mom put up with Steve for about two years, if I remember correctly. My mother got life insurance money when my father died. She actually gave us a really nice Christmas. I remember gifts being everywhere. Anyways back to their relationship..........during the time they were together they planned on buying a house. We went house hunting, looked at model homes, and picked one out that we wanted built. Our house was almost done when my mom started finding ways to leave Steve. My mother finally had enough of the beatings. She got a restraining order against him and we left. The only thing was that he knew where our new house was. For a long time.....he made our lives a living hell. Some how he got a hold of our phone number. I remember answering it, he told me that this is not over. My sister got on the phone and told him to leave us alone. He then threatened that he was going to skin our mother alive in front of us. He told my mom that opposite that he was going to make her watch why he slowing killed each one of us if she didn't take him back. We were all terrified at night. He would look in our windows, constantly call and make threats, and make us aware of his presence. It seemed like he threatened us for an eternity, but it finally stopped. I think he went to jail and gave up. I always told myself that when I grew up I was going to find him and beat the living **** out of him for what he put us through.
The next man that my mother was with was a guy named Vance. Not too much to tell with him so I will go ahead and tell the story. Vance was actually very nice to all of us. At the time, I believe I was 7. Vance ended up having a drug problem. At the time, I did understand what coke was.........now I do, cocaine. Vance did so much cocaine one day that he coked out in the master bedroom bathtub. He was kicking and screaming so much that he kicked a hole in the bathtub with the heel of one foot. The police and ambulance game. My mother was done with him after that.
My mother was drinking more and more. I am not sure if it was because of her life or if it was something else. She felt that we were a burden and she would tell us that. She would tell us that she wished we were dead and if there was a way to do it and get a way with it she would. She would make us feel guilty when she bought us clothes. She would say that she never could buy her anything because she always had to buy us stuff. She would tell us she wish she never had kids. When she drank she became even more evil. She would get into fist fights with my sisters and try choking them. We had a two story house. My sister and her got into a fight bad one time. Her and my mother began to fist fight. They ripped each others clothes off, punched each other in face, pulled each others hair, and eventually rolled down the stairs still fighting. When my sisters and my mom would fight the only way to stop it was for my sister or sisters to leave. I will get more into other fights later.
Next, my mother met a man named Carl. This one lasted a long time. It was another roller coaster. I will talk about this in next post.
Till next time...............
Steve liked to beat on my mom all the time. I am not sure what would set him off....I just know when he did get set off she paid for it dearly. One time they were arguing, they were in the kitchen, Steve broke some glasses on the ground, grabbed her, pushed her down, and rubbed her face in it. I was crying and my sister's were yelling at him to stop. My mom was able to get away and run to back room. One of my sister's said something that set him off. She was sitting in a recliner chair. He hit the back of it so hard it completely turned upside down with her still in it. I remember during the screaming that Steve was telling my mom that I wanted them to get married. He even put me on the spot. I froze and couldn't say anything out of fear of what was going on. I was still five at this point. The argument and all of us made the way to their bedroom. My other sister was jumping on their bed screaming to stop it asshole. Well he slapped her and my mother attacked him for touching her daughter. Steve then picked up the vacuum cleaner and hit her with it knocking her on the ground. We were all crying and screaming to please stop. Blood was everywhere it seemed like. My third and oldest sister grabbed me and took me in a bedroom and locked the door. She was telling me to cover my ears everything was going to be OK. If I remember correctly the cops were on their way which is what made him stop and leave.
My mom and Steve would always fight and make up. We never understood how she could take someone back after beating her black and blue. I think she did it out of fear he would kill her if she left and not wanting to be alone. My mom put up with Steve for about two years, if I remember correctly. My mother got life insurance money when my father died. She actually gave us a really nice Christmas. I remember gifts being everywhere. Anyways back to their relationship..........during the time they were together they planned on buying a house. We went house hunting, looked at model homes, and picked one out that we wanted built. Our house was almost done when my mom started finding ways to leave Steve. My mother finally had enough of the beatings. She got a restraining order against him and we left. The only thing was that he knew where our new house was. For a long time.....he made our lives a living hell. Some how he got a hold of our phone number. I remember answering it, he told me that this is not over. My sister got on the phone and told him to leave us alone. He then threatened that he was going to skin our mother alive in front of us. He told my mom that opposite that he was going to make her watch why he slowing killed each one of us if she didn't take him back. We were all terrified at night. He would look in our windows, constantly call and make threats, and make us aware of his presence. It seemed like he threatened us for an eternity, but it finally stopped. I think he went to jail and gave up. I always told myself that when I grew up I was going to find him and beat the living **** out of him for what he put us through.
The next man that my mother was with was a guy named Vance. Not too much to tell with him so I will go ahead and tell the story. Vance was actually very nice to all of us. At the time, I believe I was 7. Vance ended up having a drug problem. At the time, I did understand what coke was.........now I do, cocaine. Vance did so much cocaine one day that he coked out in the master bedroom bathtub. He was kicking and screaming so much that he kicked a hole in the bathtub with the heel of one foot. The police and ambulance game. My mother was done with him after that.
My mother was drinking more and more. I am not sure if it was because of her life or if it was something else. She felt that we were a burden and she would tell us that. She would tell us that she wished we were dead and if there was a way to do it and get a way with it she would. She would make us feel guilty when she bought us clothes. She would say that she never could buy her anything because she always had to buy us stuff. She would tell us she wish she never had kids. When she drank she became even more evil. She would get into fist fights with my sisters and try choking them. We had a two story house. My sister and her got into a fight bad one time. Her and my mother began to fist fight. They ripped each others clothes off, punched each other in face, pulled each others hair, and eventually rolled down the stairs still fighting. When my sisters and my mom would fight the only way to stop it was for my sister or sisters to leave. I will get more into other fights later.
Next, my mother met a man named Carl. This one lasted a long time. It was another roller coaster. I will talk about this in next post.
Till next time...............
Memory #3
I am now 5 years old. I don't remember how my mom and dad became separated, but I was living with my mother in Texas and my father was in Pennsylvania. Later on in life I found out that my mother ran off with me to hurt my father. My mother always told me that my father found a new daughter and wanted her not me. I remember asking my mother why can't I see daddy and she would reply, "Your daddy doesn't love you anymore, he found a woman that has a daughter your age and he wants them and not us!" At the time I couldn't understand why because he always told me he would never leave me. Children at this age believe whatever is being told to them. I believed her and was devastated! I would later find out in life that everything my mother told me was a lie.
Here is a memory that I keep playing over and over in my head..................It was around the Christmas Holiday. My dad was still in PA and we were in Texas. My mother had to go to PA and I did not know why until she came back. My sister's and I were at my Aunts house celebrating the Christmas Holiday. We were eating a big dinner, opening gifts, and visiting with everyone. My Granny (which I love as a mother), my aunt and uncle, and my cousins were all there. All of the fun came to a stop as soon as my mom arrived. My uncle opened the door and my mom was standing there crying. I ran up to her and asked her where is daddy? She told me he is gone, I was like what do you mean gone? My granny grabbed me and told me he is in heaven. I understood what that meant. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. It seemed like I cried for hours, days, and still do cry because I miss him. I remember asking God, "Why did you have to take him away from me, why not someone else instead of him?" I went through so many emotions at this time, I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't speak to my mother for awhile because I was mad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. She went to PA to go to the funeral. He is my father and she had no right to keep me away from him especially at a time when I needed him the most. I still think to this day that she was jealous of how much he wanted me and not her therefore keeping me away from the funeral was her final way of getting back at him. My father passed away on December 13, 1986.
A short memory before my father died.............I was four. We were at home sleeping and my mother and sisters were gone at school and work. We were living in Texas and it was tornado season. My dad and I were sleeping peacefully together in the bed. My mother comes in yelling, "I have been trying to get a hold of you all day, you had me worried!" We were both confused about what in the world she was talking about. Come to find out a Tornado struck on our street while we were sleeping. The tornado had hit houses around us, but left ours untouched. Amazing, but now I wonder why God getting take us both then? If he was going to take my father later on he could have taken me with him at that time. I would have been way better off!
When my father died my life went down hill. My mother made my life a living hell. A little insight of how she was......before my father died we moved back to Texas. My granny used her retirement savings to get us an apartment. My granny didn't have much, but she gave everything she had to help us. My mother never repaid her and she struggled at times. My mom started seeing this guy named Steve. I remember yelling at my mother telling her I am going to tell daddy on you. She would tell me if you do then you will never see him again. My granny told me that when my father died everyone was trying to get a hold of my mother, but had no success. So my granny drove over to the apartment to find my mother in bed with Steve. My mother was still married and my granny (her mother) was very disappointed in her. Steve was a horrible man, I will get into that in my next post.
Till next time...........
Here is a memory that I keep playing over and over in my head..................It was around the Christmas Holiday. My dad was still in PA and we were in Texas. My mother had to go to PA and I did not know why until she came back. My sister's and I were at my Aunts house celebrating the Christmas Holiday. We were eating a big dinner, opening gifts, and visiting with everyone. My Granny (which I love as a mother), my aunt and uncle, and my cousins were all there. All of the fun came to a stop as soon as my mom arrived. My uncle opened the door and my mom was standing there crying. I ran up to her and asked her where is daddy? She told me he is gone, I was like what do you mean gone? My granny grabbed me and told me he is in heaven. I understood what that meant. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. It seemed like I cried for hours, days, and still do cry because I miss him. I remember asking God, "Why did you have to take him away from me, why not someone else instead of him?" I went through so many emotions at this time, I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't speak to my mother for awhile because I was mad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. She went to PA to go to the funeral. He is my father and she had no right to keep me away from him especially at a time when I needed him the most. I still think to this day that she was jealous of how much he wanted me and not her therefore keeping me away from the funeral was her final way of getting back at him. My father passed away on December 13, 1986.
A short memory before my father died.............I was four. We were at home sleeping and my mother and sisters were gone at school and work. We were living in Texas and it was tornado season. My dad and I were sleeping peacefully together in the bed. My mother comes in yelling, "I have been trying to get a hold of you all day, you had me worried!" We were both confused about what in the world she was talking about. Come to find out a Tornado struck on our street while we were sleeping. The tornado had hit houses around us, but left ours untouched. Amazing, but now I wonder why God getting take us both then? If he was going to take my father later on he could have taken me with him at that time. I would have been way better off!
When my father died my life went down hill. My mother made my life a living hell. A little insight of how she was......before my father died we moved back to Texas. My granny used her retirement savings to get us an apartment. My granny didn't have much, but she gave everything she had to help us. My mother never repaid her and she struggled at times. My mom started seeing this guy named Steve. I remember yelling at my mother telling her I am going to tell daddy on you. She would tell me if you do then you will never see him again. My granny told me that when my father died everyone was trying to get a hold of my mother, but had no success. So my granny drove over to the apartment to find my mother in bed with Steve. My mother was still married and my granny (her mother) was very disappointed in her. Steve was a horrible man, I will get into that in my next post.
Till next time...........
Friday, February 5, 2010
Memory 2
I was 4 when I remember watching my sister's get ready for school and my mom get ready for work. I would stay with my dad a lot since I was too young for school. He was in the army reserve so he was able to keep me a lot. I use to wish I could go to school with them, but I really loved staying home with my daddy. We were living in Texas at the time. My dad had family in Pennsylvania.
One morning my sister's and my were getting ready as usual. As soon as my mom and sister's left my dad rushed me saying we have to get ready and fast. He told me to grab whatever I thought I couldn't live without. I remember grabbing some stuffed animals. My dad loaded things up in his pick up truck. We then got in the truck. Being so young I didn't understand what we were doing. I remember driving which seemed like forever. I asked my daddy and he said we are going to see mommom (his mother, my grandmother). I was thrilled I had a long trip with just daddy and I. We had a blast listening to music and talking. I remember falling asleep with my head in his lap and him telling me everything was going to be alright. He got my attention and looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I promise I will never leave you." This promise still haunts me to this day. This promise is something that has effected my life and how I can't stand when someone breaks a promise. I feel like a promise is something that should be kept and when not it hurts. Never promise something you can't keep.
If you haven't guessed yet....my mother and father fought a lot. My father was running away with me. I am not sure exactly what was going on at the time. But as time goes by you will realize my mother was completely crazy and who wouldn't run from her.
Giving you a little peak.....something life changing happens, mother does crazy things, we are mistreated mentally and physically, and I had to learn to take care of self at 13.
TTYL
One morning my sister's and my were getting ready as usual. As soon as my mom and sister's left my dad rushed me saying we have to get ready and fast. He told me to grab whatever I thought I couldn't live without. I remember grabbing some stuffed animals. My dad loaded things up in his pick up truck. We then got in the truck. Being so young I didn't understand what we were doing. I remember driving which seemed like forever. I asked my daddy and he said we are going to see mommom (his mother, my grandmother). I was thrilled I had a long trip with just daddy and I. We had a blast listening to music and talking. I remember falling asleep with my head in his lap and him telling me everything was going to be alright. He got my attention and looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I promise I will never leave you." This promise still haunts me to this day. This promise is something that has effected my life and how I can't stand when someone breaks a promise. I feel like a promise is something that should be kept and when not it hurts. Never promise something you can't keep.
If you haven't guessed yet....my mother and father fought a lot. My father was running away with me. I am not sure exactly what was going on at the time. But as time goes by you will realize my mother was completely crazy and who wouldn't run from her.
Giving you a little peak.....something life changing happens, mother does crazy things, we are mistreated mentally and physically, and I had to learn to take care of self at 13.
TTYL
Childhood Memory 1
Has anyone thought that he or she could write a book about their life? I have always thought about writing a book, but never knew how to get it started and wondered if anyone would want to read it. I want people to know that they are not the only one who goes through rough times. Remember how we turn rough times into positive experiences will help us succeed and make our life a better one. We can control our life by making it a better one. Life will always throw curves at you, but you have to grab that wheel and hit that curve head on.
Let me explain my childhood memories and see if anyone can relate........
When I was four I remember my dad and my mother being together and being happy. My daddy was a wonderful man and my mother liked to yell a lot. My happy memories of being with my dad quickly turned bad. My sisters and I made a tent over our bunk beds with sheets. My sisters and I woke up because of my mother screaming and banging on the bathroom door yelling, "Get out!" Before I knew it my mother was grabbing me by my arm dragging me to the bathroom door. She told me to get my daddy out since I am the only one he loves. I didn't understand at that time why he was locked in the bathroom, but I started crying begging him to please come out. My father opened the door and yelled at my mom for getting me involved. He said he came out for me and not for her.
If you are confused about why my mother grabbed me and not one of my sisters...let me explain. My mom had four daughters, my three other sisters were from another man. I was the only one from my father. My father was told he would never have children. He met my mother when she was with my sister's father. My father was actually their father's best friend. They were both in the Army together. My daddy needed a place to live therefore he was staying with them. Well you can tell what happened next...my daddy and my mother fell in love. When my dad found out he was going to be a father he was thrilled...yes I was tested and I was his. Everyone tells me he loved me to death and would have done anything for me. So as you can tell....my mother was jealous of our relationship. This is why she grabbed me and got me involved because she knew he would react to my crying and begging.
I will explain why he was in the bathroom later on. Once I explain more things you will understand why he did what he did. I plan on writing an experience every night. This is only one minor one...........they get way worse and lots more!
TTYL
Let me explain my childhood memories and see if anyone can relate........
When I was four I remember my dad and my mother being together and being happy. My daddy was a wonderful man and my mother liked to yell a lot. My happy memories of being with my dad quickly turned bad. My sisters and I made a tent over our bunk beds with sheets. My sisters and I woke up because of my mother screaming and banging on the bathroom door yelling, "Get out!" Before I knew it my mother was grabbing me by my arm dragging me to the bathroom door. She told me to get my daddy out since I am the only one he loves. I didn't understand at that time why he was locked in the bathroom, but I started crying begging him to please come out. My father opened the door and yelled at my mom for getting me involved. He said he came out for me and not for her.
If you are confused about why my mother grabbed me and not one of my sisters...let me explain. My mom had four daughters, my three other sisters were from another man. I was the only one from my father. My father was told he would never have children. He met my mother when she was with my sister's father. My father was actually their father's best friend. They were both in the Army together. My daddy needed a place to live therefore he was staying with them. Well you can tell what happened next...my daddy and my mother fell in love. When my dad found out he was going to be a father he was thrilled...yes I was tested and I was his. Everyone tells me he loved me to death and would have done anything for me. So as you can tell....my mother was jealous of our relationship. This is why she grabbed me and got me involved because she knew he would react to my crying and begging.
I will explain why he was in the bathroom later on. Once I explain more things you will understand why he did what he did. I plan on writing an experience every night. This is only one minor one...........they get way worse and lots more!
TTYL
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